Anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief, the emotional process of grieving in advance of an expected loss, can be complex and often feels like an emotional roller-coaster. This type of grief might arise when facing situations like terminal illness, the aging of loved ones, or other significant, anticipated losses. Coping with anticipatory grief can be challenging, but there are ways to find support and process these feelings.
Acknowledge
First, it’s essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Anticipatory grief is real and normal, and it often brings up a mix of emotions—sadness, uncertainty, anger, anxiety, guilt, and sometimes even relief. These emotions can fluctuate and seem contradictory, which may feel disorienting, so give yourself permission to experience them without judgment. Staying present and connected can also be helpful. Try to focus on the moments you have now with your loved one or on the present reality of the situation, rather than getting lost in future “what if” scenarios. Finding small, positive moments can help you create meaningful mantras and lessen the intensity of grief.
Prepare
Preparing gradually and consciously can provide some relief. When dealing with an impending loss, thoughtful planning and gradual preparation can sometimes ease feelings of helplessness. This might involve preparing for upcoming changes, making practical adjustments, or establishing new routines. For example, if you’re facing a significant life transition—like a move, job change, or the end of a long-standing relationship—taking small, deliberate steps to adjust can be beneficial. Reflecting on what this loss means, exploring new goals or routines, and addressing practical matters that may need your attention can foster a sense of emotional readiness, offering greater stability as you navigate the changes ahead. Additionally, finding supportive outlets for your feelings can be comforting. Sharing emotions with friends, family, or support groups who understand can reduce feelings of isolation. Creative outlets like journaling, art, or going outdoors may also help you process and express your emotions.
Practice
It’s crucial to practice self-care and grounding techniques, as managing anticipatory grief can be emotionally exhausting. Mindfulness, meditation, and relaxation exercises help keep you grounded, while maintaining routines that support physical and mental health—including sufficient sleep, working out, nourishing food, and time for personal reflection—can sustain your resilience. Consider seeking professional support if you need additional help. Speaking with a therapist, especially one experienced with grief and loss, can be invaluable. Therapeutic approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you process complex emotions, understand your experiences, and develop effective coping strategies. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore difficult thoughts and support your emotional well-being.
Finally, embrace both hope and acceptance. It’s okay to hold onto hope for comfort or peace, while also accepting the reality of what’s to come. Balancing these two perspectives can help you navigate anticipatory grief without feeling trapped by it. Grieving in advance is as challenging as grieving after a loss, and finding a way to balance preparation with cherishing the present can make a profound difference.
Dr. Edward Ewe is a counselor educator, licensed professional counselor, and a clinical supervisor in Oregon and Washington. He is a trained EFT therapist who works with individuals and couples. His clinical interest is working with individuals dealing with grief and loss and couples counseling. He is a small business owner of Mountain River Counseling and Consulting.